Alright. I don’t go to midnight showings, even if I am obsessed with anticipation for whatever movie it is. Last night, however, I was somehow talked into going (there’s a possibility that there were promises of certain Californian pastimes to precede the journey) to the midnight showing of Valentine’s Day, or as I would like to call it, This Movie Cost Whaaaat?
That’s probably a little harsh. I’m sure the five other girls I went with would not refer to it as such, but I have to. I absolutely have to. I’ve been trying to give it the benefit of the doubt since we left the theatre, but I cannot come up with any excuses for it. I wasted two hours and $7.25 (student discount) sitting next to a roommate who talks during movies and typing short notes on my crappy LG for the sole purpose of explaining my disgust in this future cyber rant…
Well, the future is now (literally), and while I’m no Roger Ebert (and even if I was who really cares?), I think it’s safe to say that I know a decent film when I see one. This movie -which I refrain from calling a film because that would give it some degree of credibility- was nowhere near decent.
OK, someone whose favorite movies include 27 Dresses or Failure to Launch or even 50 First Dates (all of which are better than this movie) would probably enjoy it. That being said, why would anyone ever listen to someone whose favorite movies include 27 Dresses or Failure to Launch or even 50 First Dates? Simply put, this movie is eye candy. It is pretty to look at setting-wise and pretty to look at people-wise. That’s not necessarily a bad thing… unless it’s the only good thing about it.
I will admit that I had medium to high expectations for this movie (as far as romantic comedies go). With an IMDB page that has a picture next to each of the first 15 actors listed, I anticipated some bona fide acting. What I got… not so much. The following is an edited and expanded summation of my notes.
First of all, the lame jokes. An example of this is during a scene with Topher Grace (an actor who I do love, even if all of his movie roles seem to emulate Eric from That 70′s Show), in which a fellow employee states that back in Indiana, Grace’s character knew only of holidays such as “love your cousin day.”
Secondly, the “Taylors.” Who was in charge of casting for this movie? What purpose did these two “actors” serve? Why was this “story” even in the movie? How can you take them seriously when I’ve used quotation marks three times already? Along with her terrible acting, Taylor Swift delighted us with a weird valley girl accent (bonus!) and awkward scenes with her real-life boyfriend Taylor Lautner. This movie made me dislike the most likable girl in the universe.
Coming in third on my list of complaints is the acting overall. Of course, certain actors made me cringe more than others. Take Jessica Alba, for example, whose enthusiasm and connection with her character enabled me to understand why critics are always referring to her as a wet blanket. On the other hand, watching Jessica Biel‘s enthusiasm (and by enthusiasm I mean exaggeration) made my head sink into my shoulders from embarrassment. Also, as a girl I feel I should comment on the fact that she has no waist (kinda like this girl.)
In reference to the whole Patrick Dempsey/Eric Dane/Grey’s Anatomy turnout, I really loved how McDreamy got to play… McDreamy (aside from the whole cheating, terrible husband, shattering Jennifer Garner’s heart thing). And Eric Dane! Well, that story was quite the fun little add-on. I cannot even comment on that whole situation with Bradley Cooper, except to say that his acting was great and I honestly did enjoy his scenes with Julia Roberts.
Julia Roberts, who I typically feel very love/hate about, was wonderful. I say wonderful because her capacity to create a believable, interesting character left this movie with a few last shreds of hope. Her niece was fine, although the character felt pointless, and the old couple whose grandson she babysits for made me cry at the end. Although their whole fight/reunion story seemed a bit far-fetched since this entire movie occurs in the span of one day, I mean… It’s Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine, of course I am going to cry.
I cannot comment on Jamie Foxx because I could care less about Jamie Foxx. Anne Hathaway was good. She pretty much always is legitimate, even if every role she plays is really annoying. George Lopez was George Lopez, and let’s not forget about Ashton Kutcher, the focus of the movie. He was… fine. I liked him. His airport scene about Jennifer Garner and sunshine was lame, but the brief appearance by the dad from 10 Things I Hate About You was worth it.
I suppose that overall this movie was not the worst movie ever made, but close. It was “made” well, with a list of well-known actors and movie posters that replicated He’s Just Not That Into You, but it never came together. I also hate when people clap or cheer at the end of movies, and people clapped AND cheered DURING this movie, specifically whenever Bradley Cooper, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, or Eric Dane came on. I did find it hilarious, however, when everyone in the audience started whispering “What did she say?” after some random nurse says something to Jennifer Gardener. Simultaneous confusion is fun to hear.
Right, so my word of advice to anyone who has plans to spend real money on this terrible cliché of a movie… Um, don’t.
